One Year Later: Showing Up When Life Just… Sucks

One Year Later: Showing Up When Life Just… Sucks

This week marks one year since I lost my dad.

Even writing that sentence feels surreal. One year of waking up without his presence, his humor, his guidance. One year of quietly carrying a hole in my heart that somehow the world doesn’t notice—but I do.

Grief is weird like that. It doesn’t ask for your permission. It doesn't follow a tidy calendar or show up only when it’s convenient. It sneaks into your Tuesday afternoon or your Friday night cookout. It lingers behind your smile when you're in "work mode" or surprises you mid-conversation when someone mentions their dad like it's just a normal thing.

And in the midst of all that? Life keeps moving.

Emails still need to be answered. Agents still need support. Dinner still needs to be made. Dogs still need to be walked (and in my house, also possibly hugged, fed, or asked if they really need to go outside for the 15th time).

Some days, I want to pause it all. I want the world to stop spinning and acknowledge that I’m still healing. That I’m still figuring out how to live with this new version of life—where “daughter” doesn’t feel the same.

But life doesn’t stop. And maybe that’s the most frustrating and comforting thing at the same time.

Because even when my tank is running on emotional fumes, I have people relying on me. My family. My team. Our clients. And weirdly enough… myself.

I’ve realized that showing up doesn’t always mean showing up at 100%. Some days, showing up means I brushed my teeth and didn’t send a single “I quit” email (progress). Some days, it means I chose kindness when I really wanted to crawl under my desk. Some days, it’s crying in the car before walking into the office… and still going inside to serve with my whole heart.

Because here’s the truth: you don’t have to be perfect to be powerful.

You don’t have to be smiling to be strong.

You don’t have to be “over it” to be moving through it.

We can grieve and grow at the same time. We can feel broken and still build beautiful things. We can feel like a mess and still be a blessing.

And if all else fails? You can always throw on some dry shampoo, hug a dog, and fake it till you make it. (Highly recommend.)

So to anyone else who’s walking through something hard right now—whether it’s grief, loss, burnout, or just a season that feels heavier than expected—I see you.

You are not alone.
You are not weak.
You are so much stronger than you think.

Keep showing up.
Keep loving hard.
Keep choosing presence, even when it hurts.

Because someone, somewhere, is watching you do the impossible and thinking, “If they can, maybe I can too.”

And that… is enough.